Today is day 19.....so far this has been agonizing, amazing, and exciting. At this point i don't know what to think. There is part of me that just wants to cum so bad....but another part that wants Mistress to totally and cruelly deny me. There is part of me that thrives on and desires Her praise, yet part of me that says that slaves do not deserve praise or reward for being a good boy. We only deserve punishment for misbehavior and no real praise because as a submissive it is our job to do as told .
The plug training is coming along...it is up to 4 humiliating hours now. i recieved my new plugs and am now using the medium sized one. i hesitate to say it but the small one looked so small that i think i could take that one all day at this point. i haven't even tried the large one yet...i am sure that i can take it as it is about the same girth of the Dildo Mistress took me with in O/our second session, but the plug is for more of long term wear.
i can't believe i would actually be saying this, but i think i am actually going to beg Mistress not to let me cum. i don't want to be Her submissive toy, i want to be Her total slave. To mold as She wishes. i think that i have had plenty of selfish orgasms ( some of them at Mistress expense ( before i had the courage to call Her) and now should just be milked or have totally ruined, unsatisfing, and or pain associated orgasms.
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